Derivative

Mummified Remains

I can’t get the words together between my brain and my mouth, my lips have been sewn shut, except to say “maybe” as I stare into an unknown distance. My eyes are resting on a pocket of air in front of me, I can see everything in the surrounding periphery, none of it bothers me enough to even glance.  My body alternates between stillness, my head tilted back as I stare, and repetitive annoying movements.  Why can’t I control this? Every outward expression is a fight, even changing my facial expression is impossible, when I manage to, I’m displaying a creepy smile, the kind you’d expect to see on a horror movie killer. I’m no killer, I can’t even move the way I want to in this state.

I hate the way my body shuts me out of my life, I want to do things and advocate for myself, when like this I can’t even get an apple out of the fridge to eat without someone prompting.  I’ll stand by the fridge and march in place for hours before my body lets me move to eat anything.  It's like I’m in a mechsuit on a very very poorly programmed autopilot with no way to communicate the problem to anyone outside.  It's a very strange sensation. The body slows to a stop while my mind is bouncing against the walls of my skull just trying to make ANYTHING happen.